Two Months Alcohol-Free

An experiment

Two months ago, while lounging on the sofa watching TV, I wandered over to the fridge to grab a beer.

It was 9pm on a Monday.

For the last few years, I’ve tried to moderate my alcohol and avoid regular weekday drinking. But this was a Monday during the school holidays, so those rules didn’t really apply.

I knew that beer would probably lead to a couple more, and then Tuesday would still be part of the school holidays, giving me a free pass to go again. My rules were very flexible, and I seemed to be creating more and more exceptions to my self-imposed moderation policy. Holidays didn’t count. Social engagements didn’t count. If we had something to celebrate, if there was half a bottle of wine left open from Sunday, or if it was a particularly nice sunny day, those didn’t count either.

My Relationship with Alcohol

I’ve always had a fairly amicable relationship with alcohol. I drink regularly, but not to excess, and I’m quite a fun drunk (at least, I think I am).

But in the last few years, I’ve felt that this relationship was changing. When Rachel and I go out, either to friends’ houses or to a pub that's not within walking distance, I am almost always the designated driver. I won’t have anything to drink, and I’m absolutely fine with that. But then we’ll get home, and I’ll often have a beer to compensate for not drinking while we were out. And while I am usually restrained enough to avoid drinking midweek, I find myself looking forward to Friday so that I can crack open that bottle of wine.

I have also noticed how much alcohol is disrupting my sleep. Alcohol works as a sedative and tricks you into thinking you have had a good night’s sleep, but it’s not the same restorative sleep you get without alcohol. I don’t suffer too badly from hangovers, but often in the days following heavy drinking, I notice a general lethargy and a fog that clouds my mind.

I was also attributing my lack of energy, motivation and productivity to my drinking. It certainly wasn’t helping.

The Decision to Take a Break

There was no grand reason or logic for deciding to take a break from alcohol. I had considered it a few times in the past, but there was always a reason not to. Christmas is coming up. We are going on holiday next month. It’s my birthday soon. My friend’s having that barbecue. Maybe I’ll stop after that wedding.

But there was never going to be a right time.

So, I put the beer I was holding back in the fridge and haven’t had any alcohol in the last two months. It wasn’t necessarily going to be for good. I was just taking a break. Conducting my own experiment to see what all the fuss was about.

The Final Drink

I almost feel that I should have ended in style. Gone out on a three-day bender, waking up in a pool of vomit, swearing I would never drink again. It would have felt more justified if my last experience of alcohol had been a bad one. Instead, my last night’s drinking – which, at the time, I didn’t realise was my last night – was pleasant and quite typical. A nice, cold beer while cooking dinner and then half a bottle of red wine in front of the TV. It tasted great, and I woke up the next morning with no obvious side effects.

The Expectation vs. Reality

I thought this would be the post where I told you all that I’m a changed man. That giving up alcohol was the best decision I ever made. That I now sleep like a baby every single night and wake up each morning raring to go. I imagined myself telling you how my productivity and motivation have improved dramatically and that I am emotionally more balanced than ever and how everyone keeps telling me that I am a joy to be around.

But the truth is, I have yet to see any of these benefits.

Not a single one.

My sleep is still disrupted. I wake up most mornings feeling like I’ve had a few drinks the night before, even though I haven’t. There has been no improvement to my energy levels or motivation. And I’m as emotionally unstable as ever.

As for productivity? I don’t think it’s made any difference whatsoever. In fact, I think this post would have been much better and more interesting if I had written it when I was drinking (although if I had it would have all been a lie).

Sobriety Fatigue

Surprisingly, I haven’t missed alcohol as much as I thought I would, and it has therefore been easier than I expected.

The first two weeks were quite tough. Not because of the cravings or the desire to drink, but because I was strangely feeling more tired than ever. This phenomenon is known as sobriety fatigue – even for non-regular drinkers, it apparently takes the body three or four weeks to get used to not having alcohol regularly in the system.

Two months on, this overwhelming fatigue has gone, but I certainly don’t feel any more energised than before I stopped drinking. Surely by this stage, I should be noticing some benefits?

Saturday Night Smugness

It is very rare for me to go to bed sober on a Saturday night. I am used to waking early on a Sunday morning, either to take Leo to his football or for me to play football. The first Saturday after taking a break from drinking, I went to bed feeling unbelievably smug.

‘I am going to be fucking awesome at football tomorrow morning,’ I thought to myself. ‘The other guys are not going to believe what a legend I am.’

Did it work?

Not at all. Not only did I feel just as rough when I woke up, but I played worse than ever.

Assuming it must have just been a blip, I went to bed the next Saturday feeling equally smug and optimistic. The same happened the following morning and I’ve had a series of dreadful performances one after the other.

It's entirely possible that the alcohol-induced fog I used to play football with gave me an illusion of playing well, and that maybe I've been this terrible all along. Now I am just seeing what everyone else has always seen.

Social Stigma?

I went on our annual football night out a few weeks ago. I was the only non-drinker there. The social stigma of not drinking from a few years ago has mostly gone, and nobody seemed to care. Most people didn’t even notice. It is becoming more and more common for people to stop drinking or at least reduce their alcohol consumption. Surveys suggest a third of 16- to 24-year-olds are now teetotal.

The first pub we went to had a selection of funky non-alcoholic craft beers, and the beer I had was indistinguishable from alcoholic beer. The second pub only had bottles of generic alcohol-free lager, and with a selection of very appealing alcoholic beers on tap, I did feel like I was missing out. One of the players was disappointed in me and kept trying to buy me a proper pint and then wanted me to do shots of tequila with him. I confess, I was a little tempted. But I resisted and he soon got bored. The social pressure to drink is no longer as strong as it once was and if I continue this alcohol-free experiment any longer, I don’t think peer pressure would be a barrier.

But I have only been out four times in two months, so it’s not been too much of a stretch.

The Self-Publishing Show

The toughest moment so far was at the Self-Publishing Show that I wrote about here. There was a free bar all night at the post-show social event. I arrived at the venue to find rows of glasses of red and white wine and buckets of ice-cold lager and pale ale. I asked the barman if they had any non-alcoholic beers.

‘Sure,’ he said, grabbing a bottle from the fridge behind him. ‘That will be £6.50, please.’

‘Oh, are they not included in the free drinks?’

‘Unfortunately not. We’ve got jugs of water and some elderflower cordial for the non-drinkers.’

I declined the non-alcoholic beer and drank water for the rest of the night instead, while those around me drank a never-ending stream of beers and glasses of wine. That felt tough. Not because I wanted the beer or wine (I sort of did), but because they were getting exciting drinks for free, and I felt I was missing out.

Discovering Non-Alcoholic Beers

Non-alcoholic beers have been around for decades, but they’ve always been a bit crap - too sweet and too watery. Removing the alcohol also seemed to remove most of the flavour.

Things have changed dramatically, and not only are all the major brands and breweries releasing non-alcoholic versions of their popular drinks, but brewers who exclusively make non-alcoholic beers are springing up all the time. I have enjoyed the novelty of sampling different non-alcoholic beers and found some absolute belters.

My personal favourites so far are Run Wild by Athletic Brewing, all of the Big Drop Brewing beers (especially Poolside IPA), and the amazing, but expensive, Little Wave and Shorebreak from Firebrand Brewing. I could happily drink these instead of real beer forever.

Health Benefits?

The only positive I can take from the experiment so far is that it surely must be good for my health. I don’t feel any better, but presumably my body is thanking me inside. Surely? To make it a more accurate and interesting experiment, I should have recorded some of my medical markers beforehand to compare. Things like blood pressure and, er, actually blood pressure is all I can think of.

Rachel's Decision

To complicate things further, Rachel stopped drinking just after I did. She drinks less than me at home, but more if we’re out. She too is yet to experience any of the benefits of going alcohol-free.

If you’ve read any of my books (especially the DNF Series), you’ll know that Rachel and I can get quite competitive with each other. Two months in, there is no way she will go back to alcohol if I am still abstaining. If I start drinking again, however, I’m fairly sure she will too. But she’ll wait for me to be the one to start first so that she can claim the moral victory. You’re not getting a medal, Rachel!

The Crossroads

I’m now at a crossroads.

Do I keep this alcohol-free experiment going in the hopes that one day soon I will wake up feeling like the changed man I thought I would? Do I hold out in the hope that suddenly it will all make sense? Or do I just crack open a beer now and celebrate my two months and the fact that at least I tried? It’s a tough decision to make.

My relationship with alcohol has already changed. Hopefully for the better. And if I do go back to drinking, I like to think I’ll be better at moderating it. There’s always the option of becoming a social drinker and only drinking when I’m out or have friends over (which is almost never anyway). I honestly don’t know how long I will stick at it. I keep reminding myself that in a week, month, or year, am I likely to regret taking a break from alcohol? It’s very unlikely.

For now, I’ll keep it going a little longer and see what happens. We’re off camping for a few days next week, and there’s nothing like sitting around the campfire late at night with a glass of red wine in hand. Sadly, I’m yet to find any alcohol-free red wine that comes even close to the real thing.

Your Thoughts?

Have you ever taken a break from alcohol? How did it go for you? Did you notice any significant changes or benefits? Or maybe you were considering it but I’ve now put you off. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Me (sober) after England’s defeat to Spain in the Euros. Face painting by Kitty.