Rachel Goes Off-Grid
The Great Dumb Phone Experiment
‘Anything you’d like for Christmas?’ I asked Rachel in early December.
‘Well, there is one thing that I’m after, but I don’t think you’ll like the sound of it.’
‘Uh oh. Go on.’
‘I’m thinking of getting a new phone.’
‘Ok. What’s wrong with your current phone?’
‘Nothing. It’s really good. That’s the problem.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’d like one of those dumb phones. You know, the basic ones that don’t have any apps and you can only use them for texting and calling.’
‘Okaaaay. Why do you want one of those?’
‘I think it would be good for me.’
Kitty was in the room and overheard our conversation.
‘Oh god,’ she said. ‘That’s proper main character energy.’
‘What do you mean, main character?’ said Rachel.
‘It’ll be all about you, the one without the phone. People will have to send carrier pigeons or write letters to get in touch. And you’ll act all mysterious, like, “Oh, I’m so off-grid and unreachable. I’m Rachel – the one without the phone”.’
Thankfully Rachel saw the funny side and burst out laughing.
‘Is that bad? What’s wrong with being “Rachel – the one without the phone?”’
‘It would be really annoying,’ said Kitty. ‘It’s such a stupid idea.’
Rachel’s motivations were admirable. She felt her phone was sucking too much of her time and energy. She was becoming too distracted by social media, overwhelmed by group chats, and too susceptible to her phone’s distractions. She wanted to simplify things and instead look for more quality connections with friends and family.
I could see the appeal, in principle. But, in reality, I agreed with Kitty. It was a fucking stupid idea.
I suggested that Rachel try exercising some self-control instead. Set some timers for her social media use, delete some apps, keep her phone in a different room. She knew all of these were valid arguments, but felt they were also too easy to ignore.
But Rachel can be very determined (stubborn) and I also knew that the more we criticised her idea, the more likely she was to go ahead with the plan.
I pointed out some of the more positive uses she gets out of her smartphone.
‘What about your music and podcasts that you listen to when out running?’
‘I’ll either not bother or I could get an MP3 player.’
‘What about all the photos you take?’
‘I’ll get a camera.’
‘What about finding new routes and taking random footpaths during your marathons?’
‘I’ll take a map.’
‘And when you get lost? You love using GPS.’
‘I’ll take a compass. I’ve always wanted to learn how to use one.’
‘What about your obsession with checking the weather or tide times if you’re going for a swim?’
‘I’ll get a tide times booklet. And I’ll look out the window to check the weather.’
She’d clearly thought this through.
We’ve recently been watching a post-apocalyptic TV show called Fallout.
One of the characters has to haul around a weirdly oversized bag that’s the size of a person.
‘That’ll be you,’ I said to Rachel. ‘Heading off on one of your runs, with your MP3 player, camera, compass, map and tide times book.’
Rachel laughed and called me a dick, and I knew in that moment I’d made her more determined than ever to prove me wrong.