Married to a DRW
Has there ever been a more divisive item of clothing than the dryrobe?
Possibly Crocs? I was given a pair a couple of years ago and have been TeamCrocs ever since. I used to only wear them in private (as most Croc-wearers start out) - putting the bins out, mowing the lawn… but was recently outed by a delivery driver. A friend of mine sent a parcel for Leo’s birthday and he received the following delivery confirmation from the courier.
My friend sent me a message saying ‘nice crocs’, and the burden of being a closet croc-wearer was instantly lifted. I now regularly wear them in public. Often with socks.
The Crocs live outside our front door and sometimes get peppered by the swallows that nest above, hence their decorative, white-splattered pattern.
While most of the anti-croc brigade have given up their futile opposition, dryrobes (or any of the generic big fleece-lined changing robes) continue to divide us.
A few years ago, posters appeared at a popular swim spot called Sandycove in Dublin saying: ‘No dryrobe or dryrobe types!!!’
Another appeared at Blackrock, a neighbouring Dublin swim spot, saying: ‘Warning: beware of dryrobe wankers’.
Dryrobes were originally designed and marketed as changing robes for outdoor swimmers. Their cavernous interior means you can put them on after a swim, remove your soggy swimming costume, and then put on your clothes, while remaining warm and covered up throughout.
The popularity of dryrobes soon spread beyond the beach. They moved inland. To campsites, dog walks, to the sidelines of football matches, and parents at the school gates.
Then they moved indoors. Supermarkets, bowling alleys, pubs, restaurants, airports and aeroplanes. Nowhere was immune to their invasion.
They even came for our pets.
The Dry Robe Wankers Facebook group has 70,000 members and is full of photos of dryrobe wankers (DRWs) wearing dryrobes in inappropriate places. I have managed to resist joining. There is a similar account on Instagram called @doyouownacoat, but there have not been any posts since 2021. It is very likely the page owner bought a dryrobe.
I have found my peace with dryrobes. Living near to the coast, we see them everywhere, even though very few of them will have ever been used for their intended purpose. I think that anything that encourages people to get outside, whatever the weather, is ultimately a good thing.
I have also been forced to accept dryrobes because many of my friends are now dryrobe wankers, sorry, I mean dryrobe wearers. I would not have many friends left if I continued to be such a vocal opponent to these dryrobe wankers, sorry, I mean dryrobe wearers.
In private, Rachel and I would still make little digs about DRWs if we saw dryrobes being worn inappropriately. We were united in our disparagement. We knew we were better than that. We knew we would never succumb.
Things changed drastically at the end of last year.
Now I am on my own.
Rachel has joined the dark side. She is one of them. I am married to a DRW.